My story starts back in June of 2009. I was attending a singles ward where my wife Tiffany had spotted me and wanted to talk to me and get to know me a little more. So one day she decided to add me on Facebook. At the time I didn't have a clue who she was so i denied her on Facebook. A week or two later I was talking with a couple of my friends who Tiffany just happened to know, so she came over and started to talk with them as well with me. I had remembered that she had tried to add me on Facebook so the following day I got back on Facebook and added her back to be a friend. I began to look through her pictures and noticed she had a lot of pictures of her and this beautiful little girl. I kept looking at them thinking that these didn't look like your average pics of a big sister holding her brand new baby sister and looked to personal to be somebody else's baby. So I asked her who the little girl was that was in all of her photos. She later wrote me back on Facebook stating that the little girl was Ruthie who she had placed for adoption back in September of 2008. At the time I didn't really think a whole lot about it as we had really only talked once in person and weren't currently dating or anything. As time went on we talked more and more and hung out more and more often till eventually we were dating. During that time I had asked her more about the adoption and how things worked between her and the adoptive parents. I wasn't very nervous about asking about her adoption or how open the adoption was cause she seemed so confident in what she was telling me as if she knew that the choice she made was the best choice she could have made for Ruthie. However every time we talked about her adoption she never really mentioned anything about the birth father and I was actually very nervous to ask about him as it seemed there were some hard feelings. I eventually got up the courage and asked. She told me who he was and why there were those hard feelings toward the birth father. All in all when it should have seemed that Tiff would have been the nervous one to talk about her story I felt more nervous asking about it than she felt telling her story. To me that showed more courage, strength and confidence than anything else. As we continued dating things were going great and the Adoptive parents invited us over for a BBQ. I was extremely nervous and in all reality didn't know where our relationship was going as we had not been together for very long and felt it was a little to personal for me to come with. I told her she could go and have fun but she insisted that I come with and meet her little girl. I fought it for a little while but eventually caved in. I was welcomed right from the start and got to meet the adoptive couple and Ruthie for the first time. There hole family was just absolutely awesome. When we were all together it wasn't like we were visiting some friends but felt more like everyone was a part of each others family. And now that I look back on it. We all were part of each others family through this little girl that my wife Tiffany had brought into our lives and chose to place her with a family who desperately wanted a child to complete there family. It's amazing how things work out and how they affect each one of our lives in so many different ways. When I married my wife I didn't just get a wife and extended family but I also gained a much larger part of a family that not all families get when they marry someone. We have a very open adoption in which we get to see Ruthie and the adoptive couple often and go do things with her and there family as well. I've been brought into this adoption so much that I catch myself talking about it to others quite often as if I was the birth father. I don't regret that I do or even care that I do because I've become so close with this little girl and love her so much that it feels as if I was the birth father. Because of my story and my experiences I just want to say to all the guys out there dating or married to a birth mother to take there story of adoption and bring it into your life. If you have an open adoption bring that child and family into your life as i can tell you it will truly be nothing but a blessing to your life. I would now like to hear your story whether you be a birth mother, husband of a birth mother or an adoptive couple that has a story you would like to share regarding your birth mother and her experiences. I have set up an E-mail to share your stories. imarriedabirthmother@yahoo.com Thanks for reading and look forward to hearing your story and sharing it with others.
Hey my name is Tiffany and this is my adoption story! I was adopted myself and so was my birthmother. Adoption is a big part of my life. I got pregnant in December of 2007. I had graduated from high school that year and was just working at the time and still living at home. I didn’t realize I was pregnant until about the middle of February. At this time I was very sick with mono and I told the birthfather that I thought I was pregnant, he told me I was just sick so I shouldn’t worry about it. So of course I went along with that because I was very much in denial and didn’t want to believe it myself. But after a couple of weeks, I was over the mono and of course still pregnant. I tried to contact the birthfather again and he wouldn’t respond. By this time it was the middle of March and I needed to tell my parents. So I wrote them a letter left it in my room and went to my friend’s house a half hour away and then called my parents and told them I had a letter for them to read. They tried to call back several times but I didn’t want to talk to them. I finally picked up the phone and my mother said “You better get your butt back home right now!” It was about ten thirty at night and I told my mom that I would come home in the morning so she had time to cool down. My mom didn’t like that answer so I headed home.
My parents were very nice about the fact that I was pregnant. My mom wrote up a whole list about how much things would cost if I kept the baby, she also said she would make me a doctor’s appointment in the morning and an appointment to go to LDS Family services. Obviously I knew about adoption and how amazing it was. And I knew in the back of my head that it was the right decision to place my baby for adoption but I didn’t want to accept that fact for a few months.
I had a great case worker named Charity that I worked very close with about decisions. She was not pushy and knew how to talk to me to make me feel comforted. She sent me home with some profiles about the end of June. So I was about six months pregnant and needed to start making a decision about what I was going to do. I looked over the profiles countless times and looked at the ones online but I just couldn’t feel a connection with anyone even though the families all looked so nice. One day after church my mom came home and she had talked to a lady named Sheila. I had known her my whole life. Her husband was the bishop when I was very little and my dad was his counselor. Her son David was my Sunday school teacher when I was 8 years old. At that time he was getting ready to serve a mission to Brazil. I wrote him and sent him pictures on his mission. When he got back he married a beautiful woman named Stephanie.
My mom had just asked Sheila how David and Stephanie were doing and Sheila said that Stephanie was going to quit her job. She and David had been trying to get pregnant for about 4 years and they thought maybe she was getting too stressed from work so that was why she couldn’t get pregnant. My mom mentioned this to me not even thinking about me placing my baby with them she just knew how close I was to David and thought I would like to know about them. For the next three days I couldn’t get them out of my head I thought about them constantly.
I began to pray about my decision and all I could think about was David and Stephanie. I talked to my parents and they felt the same way but I didn’t even know if adoption was an option for them or if they were going to keep trying on their own. My parents called David’s parents and told them what I was thinking and if they thought David and Stephanie would be interested or not. I got a call the next day from David wanting to talk. It was the middle of July when I talked to David (Stephanie was in New York with her parents.) We met face to face. I told him the baby was due the beginning of September so we didn’t have much time. He told me that Stephanie kept having these dreams for the past month about a dark haired little girl. (David and Steph are both blondes) David said I don’t know how that will happen unless you are having some fun with the mailman! But when I contacted him he knew what the dream meant and he knew that they were meant to adopt my baby.
David and Stephanie had a lot of work ahead of them for the next month and a half. They had just bought a house that needed to be gutted and restored, they didn’t have any paperwork done for LDS family services and they needed a background check because they had lived out of state for a year. I told them I was very sorry I didn’t give them much time to get things done. They got their house all fixed up and all the paperwork and home evaluations done but the background check had not come through yet.
By this time it was September, Ruthie was due September 6 but didn’t decide to join the world till September 10, 2008 at 1:14 pm 6 pounds 3 ounces and 21 inches long. The background check came through about an hour before she was born, thank heavens. (If it wouldn’t have come through yet I would have had to take her home or put her in foster care till it came through.) David and Stephanie were there for the birth and got to hold her as soon as she was born. They left soon after to give me time with her. I had her in the room with me for about four hours and I fed her, changed her diaper, played with her and just enjoyed my time with her and lots of visitors. The nurse came in to take her to give her a bath and get her cleaned up. My parents went home to get cleaned up and my aunt went to go watch them give Ruthie a bath, so I was alone to get some rest when my aunt came back in the room saying they were giving the baby oxygen. My aunt called David and Stephanie and my parents to come back to the hospital. The doctor came into the room and by that time I had about 20 visitors in my room. The doctor told us that Ruthie had a diaphragmatic hernia and would have to be life flighted to primary children’s hospital.
Ruthie had to have four surgeries and had to stay in the hospital for about 2 ½ months (until Thanksgiving Day) I was able to go to the hospital to see her whenever I wanted. I was able to be at the temple when she was sealed to her parents and to her blessing. I have been to all of her birthday parties and I see her on all major holidays. When I first started dating my husband he saw pictures of Ruthie and started asking questions. He was very cool and understanding about the situation. Later when I was married to my husband, Ruthie and her parents were at the temple when I got married. My husband and I get to see Ruthie all the time and my husband loves her to death. We even saw her a few weeks ago and just hung out and watched a movie with her. She is now 2 ½ years old, very independent, beautiful, smart and healthy! I am grateful I get to be a part of her life and that she has a wonderful mom and DAD to be there for her! I LOVE OPEN ADOPTIONS!!!!!
Beautiful story I applaud both of you
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