Wife to a Birth Father--Guest Blogger--Jordyn Farish

Jordyn Farish - Wife Married To A Birth Father
 jojordynanne.blogspot.com
It was early one morning and we were sitting on the floor. Just trying to get to know one another. It had become apparent through all the time we had been spending with our mutual friends, we were falling for each other.
The day before I had told everyone about a tattoo I wanted and someone had mentioned that it sounded similar to one Nicholas wanted. He hadn't elaborated, so when it was just the two of us I asked him. He hesitated. I told him he could tell me no matter what it was, but he didn't have to. He seemed to be searching for just the right words and I grew more anxious each second, I had some ridiculous ideas run through my mind in those 15(ish) seconds.
"I have a daughter..." All I could manage to say was, 'okay', but in my head I was thinking a million thoughts a second. 'She must live with the mom because I haven't seen her or heard her mentioned, and I've known him almost a week. What is his situation with the mom? Does he still have feelings for her? How old is she? What's her name? I bet she's adorable...'
"she was adopted..." Again, 'okay' came out but in my head, 'oh my gosh, I'm going to cry. Is Sue (one of his friends) the mother? He is so amazing, My heart hurts for him.'
"but it's an open adoption so they send me pictures and I'll get to see her when her family comes here this summer." He then proceeded to tell me that he had broken up with the birthmother just a few weeks before they found out she was pregnant, and he didn't have much to do with her at that point. (I think he could see that part of me was worried about that and he wanted to make me feel better.) 


When I left I went straight to my mom's work, I had to tell her all about this guy I was falling in love with. I told her all the sweet things he said to me, then I told her about his daughter. I could tell from the tears in her eyes her reaction was similar to mine. She asked me question like how old she was, or what her name was, or where she lived. I realized I didn't know any of those answers.


A few days later he was at my house, my parents and sister decided to play a word association game with him. They would say one word and he had to say the first thing that came to his mind. 'ice-cream' 'cookies & cream' 'deer' 'venison' etc... my sister said, 'baby' he said 'Olivia' That was when I learned what her name was. 
Over the next few weeks he would share bits and pieces of information with me, I think he was trying to not overwhelm me but also be sure that he could trust me with the most important thing in his life. He showed me the most recent pictures he had been sent, her 5 month update, and he couldn't help but beam with pride at how cute and smart she was. 


Soon she just became a part of every day conversations, and whenever he got sent new pictures he would show me. He would tell me about what he went through during the birthmother's pregnancy, placement, and beyond. He shared these parts of himself that no one else knew. It was very apparent that the way he acted and the way he saw life had changed so much since finding out he was going to be a father, and this man he had become was the man I was meant to marry. We listened to the song 'Cinderella' by Steven Curtis Chapman, and he cried-just a few tears but still.. it was the first time I had seen him cry. I of course began to cry and I told him I realized that I was not only falling in love with him, but also with her. It was scary to admit to my then fiance that I loved his daughter whom I had never even met.


I met Olivia for the first time when she was 9 months old. She crawled up to us and played with us, it was so wonderful to finally meet her and her parents who I had heard so much about. They were even kind enough to make the trip to be here for our wedding. Olivia was an honorary flower girl, and we had a special 'father-daughter' dance for her and Nicholas. They danced to Cinderella and it was beautiful.


Our son Asher was born when Olivia was about 1 1/2. After discussing it between the two of us and then with her parents we decided that we would just tell Asher that she is his big sister. We tell him all about his big sister Olivia and we show him pictures & videos. We want it to be a natural and normal thing to talk about her since we know that she is always going to be a part of our family's life. 
Our most recent visit was just before Christmas. Nicholas got to spend time playing with Olivia, her brother, and Asher as well as spending time with her parents. Its those times that I look at I can't help but feel overwhelmed with gratitude. Gratitude toward Nicholas for letting me in on this special part of his life, toward Olivia's parents for being so open and loving with us, & especially toward God who took this beautiful little girl and used her to bring families together and to bless many lives.