Husband of a Birth Mother--Guest Blogger--Wesley Speight

Being the husband of a birthmother is a very special experience. I cannot put into words how amazing of a person my wife is. I try not to read into labels people attach to themselves. What is a birthmother? I can give a textbook definition that tells of a person of the female gender that got pregnant and then placed the child for adoption. I can only speak for my experience but my wife is amazing and I am a better person for having her in my life. Adoption is a hot button topic and I never thought about it until I started dating my wife.

                My wife was alone and scared when she found out she was pregnant and knew that she could not raise her on her own. She decided to place this sweet baby girl for adoption with a family that loved each other and could provide her with everything that she couldn’t. I love my wife and can’t begin to describe how strong she is for carrying a baby for nine months and being mature enough to realize that she probably could find a way to raise the baby on her own, but she wanted to give the baby everything. And the one thing she didn’t have at that time was a man that loved her and wanted to share a family together. She made a resolve to find her a family that loves her as much she does. An incredible selfless act to give this child every fighting chance to succeed in this scary world we live in. I’m not trying to advocate for single parenting vs. placing for adoption. As stated before my wife made the best decision her and that beautiful baby. She is stronger than I’ll ever know and it makes me a better person everyday knowing that she truly puts others before herself.

                When she shared her experience with me I knew that she would be a fantastic wife and a loving mother. Starting our own family has been wonderful. An experience where yet again I can’t put into words how fantastic it is to be a dad. My wife can now add the title of mother to her stash. While her birthmother story doesn’t solely define the amazing person she is, I can say that she is better because the choice she made and I love more and more every day.

Wife to a Birth Father--Guest Blogger--Jordyn Farish

Jordyn Farish - Wife Married To A Birth Father
 jojordynanne.blogspot.com
It was early one morning and we were sitting on the floor. Just trying to get to know one another. It had become apparent through all the time we had been spending with our mutual friends, we were falling for each other.
The day before I had told everyone about a tattoo I wanted and someone had mentioned that it sounded similar to one Nicholas wanted. He hadn't elaborated, so when it was just the two of us I asked him. He hesitated. I told him he could tell me no matter what it was, but he didn't have to. He seemed to be searching for just the right words and I grew more anxious each second, I had some ridiculous ideas run through my mind in those 15(ish) seconds.
"I have a daughter..." All I could manage to say was, 'okay', but in my head I was thinking a million thoughts a second. 'She must live with the mom because I haven't seen her or heard her mentioned, and I've known him almost a week. What is his situation with the mom? Does he still have feelings for her? How old is she? What's her name? I bet she's adorable...'
"she was adopted..." Again, 'okay' came out but in my head, 'oh my gosh, I'm going to cry. Is Sue (one of his friends) the mother? He is so amazing, My heart hurts for him.'
"but it's an open adoption so they send me pictures and I'll get to see her when her family comes here this summer." He then proceeded to tell me that he had broken up with the birthmother just a few weeks before they found out she was pregnant, and he didn't have much to do with her at that point. (I think he could see that part of me was worried about that and he wanted to make me feel better.) 


When I left I went straight to my mom's work, I had to tell her all about this guy I was falling in love with. I told her all the sweet things he said to me, then I told her about his daughter. I could tell from the tears in her eyes her reaction was similar to mine. She asked me question like how old she was, or what her name was, or where she lived. I realized I didn't know any of those answers.


A few days later he was at my house, my parents and sister decided to play a word association game with him. They would say one word and he had to say the first thing that came to his mind. 'ice-cream' 'cookies & cream' 'deer' 'venison' etc... my sister said, 'baby' he said 'Olivia' That was when I learned what her name was. 
Over the next few weeks he would share bits and pieces of information with me, I think he was trying to not overwhelm me but also be sure that he could trust me with the most important thing in his life. He showed me the most recent pictures he had been sent, her 5 month update, and he couldn't help but beam with pride at how cute and smart she was. 


Soon she just became a part of every day conversations, and whenever he got sent new pictures he would show me. He would tell me about what he went through during the birthmother's pregnancy, placement, and beyond. He shared these parts of himself that no one else knew. It was very apparent that the way he acted and the way he saw life had changed so much since finding out he was going to be a father, and this man he had become was the man I was meant to marry. We listened to the song 'Cinderella' by Steven Curtis Chapman, and he cried-just a few tears but still.. it was the first time I had seen him cry. I of course began to cry and I told him I realized that I was not only falling in love with him, but also with her. It was scary to admit to my then fiance that I loved his daughter whom I had never even met.


I met Olivia for the first time when she was 9 months old. She crawled up to us and played with us, it was so wonderful to finally meet her and her parents who I had heard so much about. They were even kind enough to make the trip to be here for our wedding. Olivia was an honorary flower girl, and we had a special 'father-daughter' dance for her and Nicholas. They danced to Cinderella and it was beautiful.


Our son Asher was born when Olivia was about 1 1/2. After discussing it between the two of us and then with her parents we decided that we would just tell Asher that she is his big sister. We tell him all about his big sister Olivia and we show him pictures & videos. We want it to be a natural and normal thing to talk about her since we know that she is always going to be a part of our family's life. 
Our most recent visit was just before Christmas. Nicholas got to spend time playing with Olivia, her brother, and Asher as well as spending time with her parents. Its those times that I look at I can't help but feel overwhelmed with gratitude. Gratitude toward Nicholas for letting me in on this special part of his life, toward Olivia's parents for being so open and loving with us, & especially toward God who took this beautiful little girl and used her to bring families together and to bless many lives.

More Than Just Birth Mothers

          Doing all this posting and push towards birth mothers and the impact that they have in the lives of so many people and making sure in sharing there stories with everyone I have forgotten so many other important people. In the world of adoption it doesn't just affect the Birth Mothers. The emotions, hardships, triumphs, tears and the love are shared by so many other people, that we must not forget those also involved in the adoption process. The Birth Father, the parents of the birth parents, and the adoptive couples.

         I have worked really hard in making sure to answer questions for those Birth Mothers who may have had hardships sharing there stories as well as dating and how to handle the situations of dating after placement. I did this because of the concern that I saw in the eyes of the Birth Mothers that I met with at an adoption conference in Arizona. But we must not forget the other half of the story. The Birth Father. I hate to say it but there is little emphasis on the Birth Fathers side of the adoption and there story that they have to tell to the world. They to have feelings, hardships, love and a story to tell to the world. This post may be short but I would like to open this blog to those Birth Fathers and those who have married a Birth Mother or a Birth Father to share there story with the world. Tell your story good or bad. The world needs to hear your story, they need to know the love your story holds, the wonders that have been created because of your choice and the families it has blessed because of it.

         I won't get carried away with the importance of sharing your story but I do beg of you, all of you reading this and possibly contributing to this site with your stories or pictures please remember everyone that is important in your story of adoption and share your story. There is more than just the Birth Mother and I encourage any and all Birth Fathers to please share your story. If you are or know of a Birth Father I would also like to hear there story and share it on the blog. I am also still always looking for stories from Birth Mothers or those who have married a Birth Mother or Birth Father. Everyones Story is unique and every story is wonderful in it's own entirety.

imarriedabirthmother@yahoo.com