Birth Mothers Day 2012

          I would like to say Happy Birth Mothers Day to all the Birth Mothers Out There and the Ones reading my posts. I would just like to remind you and tell you that you are all truly amazing people. You carry around with you such a love and unselfish kindness with you that people could only dream of. With that love and unselfish act you gave a couple a gift that took away tears, that gave them back hope and answered there prayers. Always remember every day not just Birth Mothers Day that you are special, you are loved beyond comparison and in the eyes of many you are an Angel.

          Family is one of the most important things in life and to someone special you allowed them to have a family. You gave them a family not only because of that special someone who enetered their lives because of you, but you too became a big part of their family. Whether you have an open adoption or a closed adoption you are still a big part of their family. Whether you hear it, see it or you don't you are a part of that family in their hearts and they are apart of yours as well. Family goes way further than blood and that connection that the average person would think of as a family. Family is more about a connection and a love that is carried between those people that is so cherrished and never ending.

          So remember this day that you are loved, you are special and you are an angel in the eyes of so many. When all hope was lost you gave them a precious gift and a love beyond all knowledge and a thanks that could never be said enough. So Happy Birth Mothers Day to you all and remember you are loved and always will be.


        

Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother
Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun
The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried you tears
One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.

Now, which of these two women, Are you the product of?
Both, my darling, Both, Just two different types of love.
—- Unknown

Adoptive Couples Retreat Update

         I would like to thank everyone that went to the Adoptive Couples Retreat. It turned out to be a great time with a lot of excellent advice and information about adoption and open adoptions. My lovely wife was the key note speaker at the retreat and a copy of her talk is posted on the page noted "Adoptive Couples Retreat." It is an absolutely amazing talk with a very touching story and also very good information for any and all hopeful adoptive couples, birth mothers and adoptees. I hope you all enjoy reading her talk and the information given. I was very pleased to see some of the posts made about the retreat and the affect it had on some of the hopeful adoptive couples that were there. I only hope that the information that is given at these retreats can reach those looking for answers. I look forward to next years retreat and can't wait to hopefully see you all there and many more.

So I Married a Birth Mother Retreat!

          Alright everyone. I know there are a lot of retreats for adoptive couples or birth mothers and/or anything having to do with adoption period. I have not seen any for birth mothers/birth fathers and or for those who have placed and are now married or thinking about getting married. I know that it is a pretty wide variety of what I am trying to seek out here but I think it is important to have it open to such a wide variety as they all come together in so many ways. And because of this I am seeking your help. I am looking for ideas in what you think are important keys in a retreat like this.

          I am wanting to start a retreat for Birth Mothers, Birth Fathers, and also Birth Mothers/Fathers who are married. I think it is important to have all these combined into one retreat as it will allow topics to hit both sides of the spectrum. Not only allowing Birth Mothers/Fathers to talk to married couples in how they dealt with dating after placement and also allowing couples to discuss with other couples about how they plan or planned on telling there future children or now children about there half sister or brother. I also find it important they talk about there adoption both open and closed and how they have handled it and the trials they have had to overcome.

          Now I know a lot of conferences and retreats do mostly classes on how to deal with certain subjects and everything. But I was thinking that yes the classes do help and are important but that it would be beneficial to have open class discussions away from the panels that are normally used. Now that I say that, don't get me wrong I think the panels are awesome and help in so many ways but I'm just looking for a way to really open up certain subjects that allow people to share there true feelings, ask the questions that they are really concerned about and allow personal bonding and making life long friendships with those who have been in there same shoes.

          Now here is where you come into play. I want your opinions and I want your advice. No suggestions or thoughts are wrong or non-helpful. Every thought and piece of advice is very helpful. I want to create a retreat that can really be held annually that people are going to want to come back to for years to come. I want to create a retreat that really touches close to home and allows friendships to be built, answers to be solved and hearts to be touched. NOW I want your thoughts, advice and help. Please you can either comment down below or write me @ imarriedabirthmother@yahoo.com I look forward to reading your comments.

Adoptive Couples Retreat

Attention everyone. It's that time of year where the Adoptive Couples Retreat is approaching. This retreat is truly helpful for hopeful adoptive couples or even those wanting more info about adoption. Please if you would like to come check out the blog posted below and RSVP as soon as possible. Thanks and hope to see you all there. www.retreatforadoptivecouples.blogspot.com

A Miracle In The Making

Where would we be with out Birth Mothers? Before I got to know my wife and the decisions she had made, I really never gave it much thought about adoption and what it means to me, my wife and those who are unable to have children. Now that I know more about adoption I can't stop thinking about the blessings that adoption brings to the lives of so many people. I hate to hear the people that have nothing but negative things to say about adoption and how inconsiderate those people are about the feelings of those birth mothers, birth fathers, adoptive couples and those who have been adopted themselves. Those harsh comments and feelings is what has lead me to write this post.

          I like to think deeper into things, that there is a much more meaningful reasons as to why things happen. That perhaps bad things happen to challenge the lives and the hearts of others in hope that they will turn it around and make a good thing come of it. The adoption process hits both sides of that in so many different ways that to me it truly becomes more of a miracle.

          How does adoption start? I don't mean the hole process after the child has been conceived and the birth mother has decided to place. I'm talking way before that. There are two sides to this love story. It starts with a couple who has come together through love and decided they wanted to start a family and grow there love through family. It continues after countless days, weeks, months and years of trying to start a family or losing a child. Through all the tears, trials, hopes, dreams and the faith of one day being able to start a family, for some that hope may dwindle, there faith may fall and the tears may never stop. That is where the second side of this love story starts again.

          A man and a woman make a choice to do something that some may not be proud of or approve of and then theirs those with different beliefs and become pregnant. Now what? My mom put it out for me in a very simple way. Not a very simple decision but you only have a couple choices. Do I get married, Do we keep the child and hope it works, or do I place the child for adoption and give this child a sure fighting chance with a family whose love is so strong that you know that child will be with a family with a love that no one could even know of? I'm not here to say which is the better choice and which is the bad choice. Everyone has a different story, different relationship with the birth father, different financial situations and so on and so forth. To some it may bring an unmarried couple together making them a stronger couple and bringing the realization of marriage and that maybe it is time for them to be married and start there family together. Then for some it may not be the best decision. That maybe that child deserves a family that can give that child the love, the family, the home and the life that maybe a birth mother and/or birth father couldn't give it.

          A man I know very well and respect and love very much recently told me that "Some things just happen for a reason, a reason unknown and that we cant comprehend". I have heard things like that all the time and never really thought of it to deeply till recently when we were dealing with a very close, personal and sad situation. Why do things happen, why must we have these trials, why must we lose loved ones and why must we have to make the choice? We can't begin to comprehend the emotions that fill a person when they find out they cannot have children or have lost a child. We can't comprehend the emotions that fill a person who has to chose to place there child for adoption. What we can know is that between the two there is a child, a heart, a mind and a love that is so precious that we can only know that things "DO" happen for a reason. Where would those hopeful parents be if it wasn't for those birth mothers?

          You can disagree, you can continue to disapprove with the choices made and you can continue to think that all things happen because of the choices we make. But those choices we make can't be taken back but what we can do with those choices is turn it around in order to affect the lives of others in a positive, loving, hopeful way. Birth Mothers give back hope, they give back love, they take away the tears, the sadness, the fear and they give a miracle. A miracle created beyond our own understanding in order to create FAMILIES.

Husband of a Birth Mother--Guest Blogger--Wesley Speight

Being the husband of a birthmother is a very special experience. I cannot put into words how amazing of a person my wife is. I try not to read into labels people attach to themselves. What is a birthmother? I can give a textbook definition that tells of a person of the female gender that got pregnant and then placed the child for adoption. I can only speak for my experience but my wife is amazing and I am a better person for having her in my life. Adoption is a hot button topic and I never thought about it until I started dating my wife.

                My wife was alone and scared when she found out she was pregnant and knew that she could not raise her on her own. She decided to place this sweet baby girl for adoption with a family that loved each other and could provide her with everything that she couldn’t. I love my wife and can’t begin to describe how strong she is for carrying a baby for nine months and being mature enough to realize that she probably could find a way to raise the baby on her own, but she wanted to give the baby everything. And the one thing she didn’t have at that time was a man that loved her and wanted to share a family together. She made a resolve to find her a family that loves her as much she does. An incredible selfless act to give this child every fighting chance to succeed in this scary world we live in. I’m not trying to advocate for single parenting vs. placing for adoption. As stated before my wife made the best decision her and that beautiful baby. She is stronger than I’ll ever know and it makes me a better person everyday knowing that she truly puts others before herself.

                When she shared her experience with me I knew that she would be a fantastic wife and a loving mother. Starting our own family has been wonderful. An experience where yet again I can’t put into words how fantastic it is to be a dad. My wife can now add the title of mother to her stash. While her birthmother story doesn’t solely define the amazing person she is, I can say that she is better because the choice she made and I love more and more every day.

Wife to a Birth Father--Guest Blogger--Jordyn Farish

Jordyn Farish - Wife Married To A Birth Father
 jojordynanne.blogspot.com
It was early one morning and we were sitting on the floor. Just trying to get to know one another. It had become apparent through all the time we had been spending with our mutual friends, we were falling for each other.
The day before I had told everyone about a tattoo I wanted and someone had mentioned that it sounded similar to one Nicholas wanted. He hadn't elaborated, so when it was just the two of us I asked him. He hesitated. I told him he could tell me no matter what it was, but he didn't have to. He seemed to be searching for just the right words and I grew more anxious each second, I had some ridiculous ideas run through my mind in those 15(ish) seconds.
"I have a daughter..." All I could manage to say was, 'okay', but in my head I was thinking a million thoughts a second. 'She must live with the mom because I haven't seen her or heard her mentioned, and I've known him almost a week. What is his situation with the mom? Does he still have feelings for her? How old is she? What's her name? I bet she's adorable...'
"she was adopted..." Again, 'okay' came out but in my head, 'oh my gosh, I'm going to cry. Is Sue (one of his friends) the mother? He is so amazing, My heart hurts for him.'
"but it's an open adoption so they send me pictures and I'll get to see her when her family comes here this summer." He then proceeded to tell me that he had broken up with the birthmother just a few weeks before they found out she was pregnant, and he didn't have much to do with her at that point. (I think he could see that part of me was worried about that and he wanted to make me feel better.) 


When I left I went straight to my mom's work, I had to tell her all about this guy I was falling in love with. I told her all the sweet things he said to me, then I told her about his daughter. I could tell from the tears in her eyes her reaction was similar to mine. She asked me question like how old she was, or what her name was, or where she lived. I realized I didn't know any of those answers.


A few days later he was at my house, my parents and sister decided to play a word association game with him. They would say one word and he had to say the first thing that came to his mind. 'ice-cream' 'cookies & cream' 'deer' 'venison' etc... my sister said, 'baby' he said 'Olivia' That was when I learned what her name was. 
Over the next few weeks he would share bits and pieces of information with me, I think he was trying to not overwhelm me but also be sure that he could trust me with the most important thing in his life. He showed me the most recent pictures he had been sent, her 5 month update, and he couldn't help but beam with pride at how cute and smart she was. 


Soon she just became a part of every day conversations, and whenever he got sent new pictures he would show me. He would tell me about what he went through during the birthmother's pregnancy, placement, and beyond. He shared these parts of himself that no one else knew. It was very apparent that the way he acted and the way he saw life had changed so much since finding out he was going to be a father, and this man he had become was the man I was meant to marry. We listened to the song 'Cinderella' by Steven Curtis Chapman, and he cried-just a few tears but still.. it was the first time I had seen him cry. I of course began to cry and I told him I realized that I was not only falling in love with him, but also with her. It was scary to admit to my then fiance that I loved his daughter whom I had never even met.


I met Olivia for the first time when she was 9 months old. She crawled up to us and played with us, it was so wonderful to finally meet her and her parents who I had heard so much about. They were even kind enough to make the trip to be here for our wedding. Olivia was an honorary flower girl, and we had a special 'father-daughter' dance for her and Nicholas. They danced to Cinderella and it was beautiful.


Our son Asher was born when Olivia was about 1 1/2. After discussing it between the two of us and then with her parents we decided that we would just tell Asher that she is his big sister. We tell him all about his big sister Olivia and we show him pictures & videos. We want it to be a natural and normal thing to talk about her since we know that she is always going to be a part of our family's life. 
Our most recent visit was just before Christmas. Nicholas got to spend time playing with Olivia, her brother, and Asher as well as spending time with her parents. Its those times that I look at I can't help but feel overwhelmed with gratitude. Gratitude toward Nicholas for letting me in on this special part of his life, toward Olivia's parents for being so open and loving with us, & especially toward God who took this beautiful little girl and used her to bring families together and to bless many lives.

More Than Just Birth Mothers

          Doing all this posting and push towards birth mothers and the impact that they have in the lives of so many people and making sure in sharing there stories with everyone I have forgotten so many other important people. In the world of adoption it doesn't just affect the Birth Mothers. The emotions, hardships, triumphs, tears and the love are shared by so many other people, that we must not forget those also involved in the adoption process. The Birth Father, the parents of the birth parents, and the adoptive couples.

         I have worked really hard in making sure to answer questions for those Birth Mothers who may have had hardships sharing there stories as well as dating and how to handle the situations of dating after placement. I did this because of the concern that I saw in the eyes of the Birth Mothers that I met with at an adoption conference in Arizona. But we must not forget the other half of the story. The Birth Father. I hate to say it but there is little emphasis on the Birth Fathers side of the adoption and there story that they have to tell to the world. They to have feelings, hardships, love and a story to tell to the world. This post may be short but I would like to open this blog to those Birth Fathers and those who have married a Birth Mother or a Birth Father to share there story with the world. Tell your story good or bad. The world needs to hear your story, they need to know the love your story holds, the wonders that have been created because of your choice and the families it has blessed because of it.

         I won't get carried away with the importance of sharing your story but I do beg of you, all of you reading this and possibly contributing to this site with your stories or pictures please remember everyone that is important in your story of adoption and share your story. There is more than just the Birth Mother and I encourage any and all Birth Fathers to please share your story. If you are or know of a Birth Father I would also like to hear there story and share it on the blog. I am also still always looking for stories from Birth Mothers or those who have married a Birth Mother or Birth Father. Everyones Story is unique and every story is wonderful in it's own entirety.

imarriedabirthmother@yahoo.com